Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Craigslist Made Me Smile
I'm sure the busy-bodies will have a flagging heyday with this ad in our Houston-area Pets Section, but the text (minus the photo of the sweet "pet") is below, unedited as I found it. Read on and enjoy!
Pure Bred Needs Good Home... (Katy)
Reply to:firstname.lastname@example.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-06-02, 8:09PM CDT
Although it saddens me to see her go, I am interested in rehoming my 89 year old pure bred White Anglo Saxon Protestant grandmother to someone who will give her a good home. She has the cutest little wrinkled face and shiny silver hair! If someone does not adopt her I will be forced to put her in a retirement home. The retirement homes in my area are unfortunately too full already and most new additions are put to sleep immediately since they simply don't have room for them. She responds to "Edith" although you can call her whatever you want since she can't really hear too well. I've had her for as long as I can remember but unfortunately I just don't have the time to give her the attention she needs since I am having a baby, moving into an apartment where they won't allow pets, my boyfriend has allergies, and I have to pay for some unforeseen medical bills. She is in excellent condition and is up to date on all of her vaccinations. She is mostly housebroken and is able to do some cool tricks like drive to WalMart (as long as it isn't more than 2 miles away), misplace objects like her glasses in her pockets, or do the laundry even if only 1 pair of socks is dirty. She subsists mostly on frozen Eggo waffles heated in the toaster and microwaveable mash potatoes and meatloaf with an occasional treat of peanut brittle when she has been extra good. For some reason she enjoys heating drinks like orange juice and 2% milk in the microwave before consuming them. We have spoken to a vet about this and they have assured us it is perfectly normal for a specimen her age. She's good with kids and other pets and has tons of stories to tell them or anyone else who isn't listening, unfortunately I have heard them all already. Her natural habitat is a 10'x10' room crammed with old couches, pictures, dusty lamps, and other crap. It is also very important that she has access to a TV with no remote (too complex) and only three channels; the weather channel, QVC, and the Tele-evangelist network. The last piece required for an ideal enclosure is a window overlooking at least a mailbox and preferably a neighborhood street; a large majority of her time and energy will be spent observing the proceedings in the neighborhood and commenting on them out loud to herself. I originally paid $50,000 for her, plus an additional $10,000 for her enclosure, but I am only asking a small rehoming fee of $15,000 to cover her recent knee replacement surgery which she has recovered from nicely. This is a unique opportunity for those of you who have kids who will neglect and lose interest in their pets after several months since this is the environment that she thrives in. I hate to see her go, but I know someone out there will be able to provide her a better home for the several years she has left. I will include her habitat as well as all toys and accessories (including her beloved electric heating blanket); local pickup. Serious Inquires only please.
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests